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[15 May 2006|01:44am] |
exhausted..mostly mentally
i'll post on tuesday about nyc and current crap
i need to jump on securing my externship
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[07 May 2006|07:23pm] |
nyc on saturday! woooooooo
i'm putting off doing my final essay for writing class about american culture. i suppose if i'm writing anything right now, it's a good thing. i sat on my butt all weekend feeling sorry for myself that i had this paper to write. i am extremely afraid of writing papers even though i'm not half bad at doing it. i'll turn off my tv once i'm done with this entry and start on it, i guess. oh yeah, it's about television's effects on american culture..or something..
ok, so i know i haven't written in a good amount of time, but i'm only beginning to get used to my schedule here at school. each class is only 3 weeks long so basically you start a class and get overwhelmed, get used to its flow around the middle, then have to bust your butt to prepare for the final. it's cool because they are not long enough to get bored at all. i just finished culinary skills for bakers. that was way better than i thought it would be. i was dreading doing daily knife cuts and other non-baking stuff. in the end, chef said i was on the edge of getting a nearly impossible perfect score on my knife cuts. i, however, went a minute overtime on the final test. the whole thing was quite humorous actually. i took my lunch tray full of hacked up potatoes, onions, shallots, garlic, and parsley and said my usually hi chef how are you greeting. he nicely replied like usual but had some different reactions. he looked over my little juliennes and batonnets..and searched through my brunoise and small dice potato cuts and not a word came from him. i had a feeling they were good that day. everything seemed to be perfect little squares -- no odd shapes or sizes (and good yield too!) all he said was 9.5 (out of 10). he said to everyone else what they did wrong like your juliennes are too big or your batonnets are inconsistent, but he said nothing. just 9.5. damn, i had almost reached that unreachable 10. it must have been the time. you would think 45 minutes would be enough. i still got the highest score, but chef told me the day before that he believed i could get that 10 (after a week of 9's and 9.5's) moral of the story: i should've picked a smaller onion to mince. that would have shaved off a minute.
tomorrow i start hearth breads and rolls. this should be interesting. i'm not excited to switch chefs and kitchens, but it's something i've got to get used to. i only have 2 more weeks of writing atleast. i can't wait to get that stupid class over with. hopefully that'll leave me with some more free time.
so my roommate left on friday to go on extern. they didn't know she was leaving this week, so they didn't schedule me with a new roommate. that means i get the room to myself for 3 weeks (until the next class comes in). this is going to be a liberating period of time. i already moved all my furniture over the opposite side of the room..near the window. she never opened the blinds, so all weekend i've had them wide open day and night so i can see the sunlight i've been missing for the past 3 months. she had divided the room like about 60/40, so i evened it out. now i'm not used to having all this free space. the space has really opened up and looks even more like a prison. i think i need some posters or decorations on the walls. maybe a plant or two near my window? oo i'd love to grow some herbs too.
i'm going to nyc on saturday for my birthday. it's so cheap..like only $25 for the train ride there and back. i'm already planning out my day, so i don't waste a minute (like being lost, etc).
if breads class isn't too overwhelming, i'll start taking pictures around/in school.
so life's good and hectic. class is 7 hours a day leaving little time to do homework, work out (although much needed), go on lovely bike rides (i'm still too nervous to take my bike off of campus by fears of getting run over), or wash my whites often enough (beet juice, red wine, and chicken blood seem splattered on each one). but, uh, i should get to writing my essay. i'm not totally procrastinating since it's due on thursday. i do want to get some of it done before 9/desperate housewives/sopranos.
ok, i promise more will come. in the mean time, let me reminisce the 'ol days of culinary skills...
 
*insert heavy sigh. pictures like these remind me why i'm happy about being a baking student...not culinary.
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[04 Jan 2006|11:54pm] |
2005 (in the long run)
( ) stayed single the whole year.
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
(x) made-out
( ) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) kissed in the rain
( ) fell in love...i'm optimistic for this year, though!
( ) fell in love with a fool
( ) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker...ok, he's not a stalker, but the guy in the green hat is definitely not allowed at panera anymore due his obsessiveness with me..that counts
(x) had a good relationship with someone...every year!
( ) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) got pregnant
( ) got someone else pregnant
(x) had an abortion just kidding! i guess i would have "got pregnant" too
( ) got married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
( ) kissed someone of the same sex
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted...all too often
( ) lost your love
( ) lost faith in love...not yet!!
( ) kissed under miseltoe...i did see an idea for a xmas party on tv...a mistletoe party! where people talk to the opposite sex then switch partners all under different mistletoe (is it just me or does mistletoes not make sense at all..it must be like deer/reindeer!)
WORK/SCHOOL
(x) got a promotion..i sorta became a trainer..if i wasn't leaving, i would definitely be getting promoted
(x) got a pay raise..big 'ol 15 cents..i suppose it was the highest pay raise available
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker..i wish!
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
(x) got straight A's...yes ma'am!
( ) met one teacher you really like...i guess i didn't meet any teachers in '05
( ) met one teacher you really hated
(x) found the subject you love...mathematics!! haha, ok...i guess pastry arts is a "subject"
( ) failed a class
(x) cut class...not too many
(x) skipped school...i could only sign myself out for a few weeks
(x) got into a fight with a classmate...verbally probably
(x) did something you were proud of...and also not so proud of
(x) discovered a new talent...probably?
(x) gave the teachers a reason to teach....yes?
(x) proved yourself an idiot...i caught a piece of paper on fire at work while using the toaster, and i threw it in the trash (plastic bags in a plastic can)
(x) embaressed yourself in front of the class...hah, i try not to remember exact instances
(x) fell in love with a teacher...remember when i talking about how good mr. wakeham looked?
( ) got a lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
( ) made junior varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget
( ) got sent to the office
OTHER
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile...i would only run on the treadmill at the tac when no one else was in the room
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand..i tried to give it a chance!
(x) double-dipped...i don't have a big problem with germs
(x) skinny-dipped...and lana kicked me directly in my vagina!
(x) went to a sleepover...and only slept? psh
( ) went to camp
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) flirted shamelessly..i should have though
(x) visited a foreign country...canada?
(x) visted a foreign state...like new york?
(x) cooked a disasterous meal...well, the pumpkin lasagna was kinda scary
(x) lost something important to you...like my ti-83+ manual? haha...i'm just looking for it right now to sell on ebay
(x) got a gift you adore...like a college education at the cia?
(x) realized something new about yourself...if i don't have tons to do, i will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
( ) dyed your hair...never have in my life actally
( ) came close to losing your life
( ) someone close to you died
(x) went to a party
(x) drank alcohol..for the first time!
(x) drank alcohol underage..obviously
( ) tried drug(s)
(x) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book..they're called cookbooks, and i read like 10 a day
(x) saw a great movie...like war of the worlds!! haha...
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(x) saw someone famous in person...the today show crew in nyc and eva longoria at the pistons game (farrr away though)
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[04 Jan 2006|12:06am] |
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it's time for me to reintroduce meat into my life.
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[12 Dec 2005|11:41pm] |
mutecebu
I've kissed someone...
[X] on the cheek.
[x] on the lips.
[x] on their hands or fingers.
[x] in my room.
[x] in their room.
[x] of the opposite sex.
[ ] of the same sex.
[x] a little younger than me.
[x] a little older than me.
[x] with brown hair.
[ ] with curly hair
[?] with blonde hair and blue eyes. blue? i don't remember
[ ] with red hair.
[x] with straight hair.
[ ] shorter than me.
[ ] with a lip ring.
[ ] with a tongue ring.
[x] who was drunk.
[x] while you were drunk
[x] taller than me
[ ] who was high.
[x] in the morning.
[x] right after waking up.
[x] just before bed.
[x] late at night.
[x] who I really didn't want to kiss.
[ ] who was going out with someone else.
[x] on a bed.
[ ] two people at the same time
[ ] right after you've kissed somebody else
[ ] in a graveyard.
[x] at school.
[x] against a wall.
[ ] at a show.
[ ] at the beach.
[x] in a pool.
[x] who was/is a good friend.
[ ] in the rain
[ ] with an std.
[x] in a car/taxi/bus.
[ ] on a plane.
[x] in the movies.
[ ] in a bathroom.
[x] in the dark
[ ] on a roof top
[x] under water
[x] while you/they were driving
[ ] who was a complete stranger
[ ] at the old folks home
[x] at the park
[ ] in a shower
[x] while people were watching
someone hit me today. guess what? my bumper is cracked. yes, the same bumper that was just replaced.
anywho, i'm in crazy christmas candy making mode and spending much more time posting entries to food_porn than here
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[02 Nov 2005|01:52pm] |
i am beyond excited for my trip next week. it's exactly what i need right now. it's going to be so much fun...i don't even know what to expect! they put the authors that are going to be at the book signings, and i don't know anyone of them nor own any of their cookbooks. that'll be alright...i definitely can buy them there and such.
i found some cute pictures of last year's chocolate show and they are making me totally excited!
  
 
i went and bought a map the other day and mapped out the places that i want to go to or if i'm in the area i should go to...that idea. plenty of bakeries that's for sure! i'm happy i've managed to save a lot. i won't feel guilty for indulging in anything. i'm trying to do a little shopping before i got...for a new purse/bag and also maybe a new cute outfit to wear? i went to the mall today and was unsuccessful. i also had stomach problems as i usually do when i go to the mall..seriously, why are those related?? but i think i'll hit up some other mall in the next few days.
i was at borders the other day and this guy with an accent comes up to me holding a us atlas. he's pointing at mt. rushmore and asks me, "what state is this in?" i was like uhh south dakota...then, as i go to the checkout i see him ask another guy about it and something else, and i'm thinking...i feel like i'm on one of those television shows where they test to see how dumb americans are. it made me laugh at the register.
i was watching a plastic surgery show the other day and this man (of average age, look, and weight) was getting his man boobies reduced. they were rather large, far bigger than mine so it made sense. it wasn't like he was fat or anything. anywho. when they were doing the surgery, they blocked out his nipples. then, once they did most of the reduction, they showed the nippes!! i was so confused. it was a man, not a woman!! you would think they could show his nipples because he was a guy, but i guess they couldn't because he had "breasts." i laughed pretty hard though when it changed halfway through the surgery.
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[27 Oct 2005|01:38pm] |
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At this time in two weeks, I'm going to by in New York City!
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[03 Oct 2005|12:28am] |
i'm knitting the most beautiful cowl neck sleeveless sweater...i have no clue what size it is though...it probably won't fit me is what i'm thinking
anywho, i'm doing alright. the weekend was full of surprises
i didn't go to nyc. luckily, i didn't. there's no way i could have forced myself to spend the entire weekend with someone who has been a complete asshole to me for the past month. then, i got the answers out. i'm managing to laugh it all off at how fast bad karma can come back and strike you in the rear.
i just wish i could have had time to sell our $225 concert tickets.
another surprise. a friend from ohio came up visiting. i tried to avoid him like the plague and it still didn't work. i've been a little more than disrespectful to him ad didn't want to confront that. i had no reasons as to why i didn't call him back the first time...nor the second...and now the third time, i felt like a fool if i had to tell him. honestly, i had a crush on him and recently found out that he had a pretty good sized crush on me too. anywho, i was forced into conversation with him, and i think that his self-esteem or confidence or manhood was hurt by what i did to him for the third time and so he never brought it up. he's too old anywho.
#3. lana made homecoming court. i was so gosh darn excited for her. i must add that i thought britt was equally deserving. they both did amazing on their questions, let alone they looked gorgeous. so, as work permits, i will be going to the football game on friday. plus, i want to talk to mr. k.
surprise 4. my parents are most likely going to allow me go to nyc by myself for a mini vacation next month. i'd rather go alone than with anyone. it's just how i am now i guess. oh, it's for the chocolate show that i've been dying to go to for a year. i guess i just want it to go perfectly and whenever i add another person to the mix, things don't go my way. i just want to do/go where i want and not have to feel bad about it. sounds like mucho funo to me. i'm beyond excited. more details to come.
my acne's out of control and i don't understand why. i'm sick of it. that's for sure.
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[28 Sep 2005|01:57am] |
it's really insane of how many feelings i'm bottling up right now. seriously, i can't afford to overthink or express all that's going on. there's pretty much no one i can speak to about my life. well, there are a few but it's not worth their trouble. plus, i can't tell them everything. so, basically i'm full of chaos and just trying to manage to live through the days.
i'm extremely bored...so bored to the point that i'm being very unproductive. there's so much laundry i could be doing and cleaning. i'm only working around 35 hours a week, which is fine moneywise because i don't need it for anything. it's just slowly piling up in the bank. i'm content with that and along with my laziness and stopped me from looking for another job. plus, i feel that i shouldn't be looking for another job since i could be moving (?)
so, welcome to stephanie alexander's new life. i wake up around 10..(well, 11 sometimes...and i kick myself because i miss) watching martha stewart live and tony danza. then, i knit my ways through the rest of the morning along with the food network and any craft shows. once 1 comes around, i realize i should be working out but just can't bring myself to do it. also realizing that the time is nearly ending for me to be able to go on bike rides. my mind is on other things, though, and i can't exercise like this. i gave it a try today and started thinking too much while i was rowing and decided to leave 5 minutes in. a six pack will have to wait i guess for a later time. so by 2, i take a shower and i find that there's no point to blow dry my hair or make myself any less ugly since these people at panera or visiting panera could give a rat's ass. so i lollygag (spelling?) until 3/3.30 when i proceed to go into work early, where they say something everyday how i'm early..some like it, others yell at me. i'd rather get paid for 45 minutes than knit 10 rows on my new scarf
panera's fine. i love my job. i get to help mostly old people, which isn't too bad. there's just days when i hate every person who says, "yes, i need that sliced." but otherwise, i'm getting sick of having to yell at the others to actually work..which makes me look like an ass. it's not too bad, though. i get to scoop cream cheese by myself for 3 hours.
then, i come home and immediately change and do nothing.
worst life ever.
no friends included.
repeat until feb. 13
scratch that
i did mention that my life is in utter chaos.
i don't feel like elaborating. well, yes i do actually. i know i shouldn't unload my life here though. i'd rather keep all the things that are messing with my life and head to myself for the time being.
i shall be moving. atleast i think so. honestly, i don't know anymore, and i hate asking because i just get worse news each time.
less questions, more innocence.
i don't even have the motivation to bake anymore. i have to have someone to create food for, and it's just not fun to make stuff for my dad. i'm not sure why.
i'm content with being vegetarian. it's just something to keep me on my toes right now. it takes my mind off other things like food always has.
it makes me feel good that i'm eating in a healthy way
the only way i can go through the days is if i have something to look forward to. honestly, i'm coming up dry right now. my plans to go to nyc this weekend have fallen through as i had expected all along.
so, i will take my wasted $100 and wish that i could go splurge in ann arbor. instead, i will knit my worries away this weekend.
so, perhaps i will plan a little something something next weekend or every weekend for that matter. i guess i'd rather stay stable than worrying about spending money. plus, the chocolate show in nyc is still over 6 weeks away.
yawn. this entry is definitely not as juicy as i expected. that's good. i'd rather not divulge what's fucking with my mind as of late and for awhile. it's so much easier to think that my life isn't changing. i don't want to believe the truth.
i forsee many more entries in my future.
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[14 Sep 2005|02:32pm] |
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my life is getting turned upside-down right now, and i'm just sitting here watching everything change.
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[12 Sep 2005|10:38am] |
20th Anniversary Edition
Naughty Fudge-Nut Deep Dish Pie
Boston Cream Doughnuts
Chocolate Caramel Truffles
Peanut Butter Cup Mousse Cake
Chocolate Fudge Cake with Caramel Buttercream
Holiday Cookies
Browned Butter Cashew Crispies
Maple Oatmeal Meringue Squares
Chocolate Pecan Turtle Tart
Hanukkah Doughnuts
White Chocolate and Halvah Hanukkah Cheesecake
Sweet Bites, Small Delights
Bittersweet Chocolate Tarts
Chocolate Clouds
Never, Never Cake
Peanut Butter Blondie Bars with Milk Chocolate Ganache Frosting
Fluffy Milk Chocolate Ganache-Strawberry Charlotte
Easy Espresso Desserts
Pure Chocolate Cupcakes
Marvelous Simple Mousse
Spiced Apple Nut Cake
Holiday Baking
Minitiature Truffle Tartlets
Cakes, Cupcakes, and Cheesecakes
Gingerbread with Crystallized Ginger
Carrot Cake
Mississippi Mud Cake
Poppysead Almond Cake
Caramel Pecan Cheesecake
Hershey's Best Loved Recipes
Perfectly Chocolate Chocolate Cake
Pecan Mini Kiss Cups
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[11 Sep 2005|12:34am] |
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I wonder if i'm the only one who is deeply disturbed by the amount of guns being flashed around by civilians down south. it frightens the hell out of me to think of what people would be doing if something even more tragic was to happen
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[31 Aug 2005|04:40pm] |
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I'M CREAM OF THE CROP, BITCHES!
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[29 Aug 2005|11:15pm] |
to do list
finish my job at sweet nothings and never have to go back (i guess that just gets done automatically)
send in my recommendation letter from sweet nothings to the cia
which in turn will finally sign me up for a starting school date (ASAP!)
go try to buy some used beck cds in preparation to the concert
be a cheapskate for awhile and only buy the bare essentials..no more $7.50 smoothies for stephanie
take back filled applications and basically beg for another job..(i'm soo bored)
attempt to clean my room
start reading every night...current book - becoming a chef
make use of the good weather while it's left and try to bike ride as much as possible
try to fix a friendship
perfect a certain baked good or candy..meaning test different recipes until i find the perfect one
quit reading into things so much
try to decide whether i'm going to keep with this vegetarian kick or leave it in the dust
ok, so it's the end of the summer and i don't have my six pack..but continue my lovely crunches and maybe find some new ab exercises
buy paint shop pro because i've realized how much i like making fun pictures using photos i've taken
try not to get too down on myself and hope for better times
control my actions and realize that some things don't put me in a better mood
quit having small talk with the older hippie couple at panera because it gets scarier and scarier each time
quit accidentally returning flirts with guys at the athletic club
try to schedule more time so that i'm actually working out at the tac more than i have
visit someone at college
get off my lazy ass in the morning and actually be productive
control myself at work and learn to be more restrictive
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[15 Aug 2005|01:46pm] |
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looks like i'm going to school in january as i expected...
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[14 Aug 2005|12:30am] |
there's just some days like today where i really hate myself
but it just seems like these days have been more prevalent lately
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[09 Aug 2005|01:00am] |
why don't i just go live in new york right now?
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[04 Aug 2005|03:27pm] |
i just remembered a poem about someone that i wrote while bike riding probably about four years ago. i passed that same spot today and realized how wrong a person could be.
..and that i shouldn't write any more poems
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[02 Aug 2005|09:00am] |
*insert your caption here*
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[02 Aug 2005|08:42am] |
i'm getting really nervous. august has already hit us in the face, and i'm scared as shit for things to change. this summer has been too great to suddenly stop in a few weeks. i'm not sure how i'm going to handle everyone leaving. i'm just dying here not knowing when i'm actually going to school..but at the same time, i'm so nervous to go. seriously, i need to start finding stuff to do with my life, new people to meet..so i don't set myself up for disappointment once everyone goes/goes back to school. i try to let myself think that i'm going to school in october, but i know the truth. i'm not going to get the scholarship. i won't be able to go to school until january, and my life will be absolute hell for the next 4/5 months.
i feel so terrible for a certain somebody that just got his ultimate college dream fucked over. i guess he should rather be happy to be going to this college and not worry about that. i have to admit, though, i was almost in the same boat, and i'm not sure what i had done if i heard i didn't make it. sorry if this all sounds dumb, but he and i had a sort of passion in this, so i can totally relate to how he feels right now. maybe this is another reason why i'm going to the cia afterall.
every week seems to be the same shit now. tues and wed - hell at sweet nothings..starting to look forward to the weekend...then working panera four days in a row, just wishing i had requested one of those off for the sake of not killing myself over the lack of air conditioning there or just that i don't really need to be working that much..plus, i hate getting off at like 11 on the weekends and missing the beginnings of shit. then, comes my rest day - monday, that's wasted in front of the computer usually like yesterday. although i did get all my pictures on my site, i wish i hadn't, maybe? i had no motivation to even work out, which i haven't since last wed? thurs? i need to get that ball rolling again today. it's so freeing, atleast the bike ride. the only good thing about this regular boring week shit is that since i have monday off, the weekend comes much faster and takes me at surprise.
well, it's too early, and i'm late for work..so i guess i can continue my random thoughts later
and nate is dead. i can't believe it.
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